Saaki sharaab laa ke tabiyat udaas hai...

...as the silken voice of the maestro drifted through the room, he sighed a little. The music felt like it was pulling at his heart strings, like the music was a part of him, like he was the source of it and not some old transistor. He stared into nothingness and tried to blink. Even that seemed like too much trouble. The waiter walked past him with a quizzical look. His drink was on the table untouched. The waiter shook his head. "This one's going to make me wait" he seemed to think as he shook his head and moved on.

It was not the first time in this bar for him. He had been here countless times with friends. Although he was a teetotaler, he liked to tag along. He loved the smell of alcohol. And he loved the company. They always used to joke about his share of the bill always running higher because of how much he ate. He smiled as he remembered the last time he was here. He was forced to pay the bill because nobody else had cash. He didn't complain. "Nice guys finish last" was the only thing he managed to say before the drunk stories took over. He liked the stories. They would start somewhere and end up somewhere totally different. He liked the unpredictability of it all. He wouldn't talk most of the time. "Speaking his words like they were precious gems" like one of his friends said.

He looked at the drink, took it in his hand. He twirled it around to look at the light shining through the glass. "One gulp and it'll all be over" he thought. There was no looking back now. He closed his eyes as he imagined himself downing the whole thing in one gulp. A shatter of glass broke his concentration. He looked at one of the waiters apologising profusely to a patron. The patron didn't seem to mind. "One of those lucky people who never know what it's like to be depressed" he thought ruefully.

He put his glass back on the table and took a sip of water instead. He started laughing at the absurdity of it all. "What was I thinking" he thought even as he put up his hand and asked for the bill. As he looked away from the waiter he saw a familiar smile. He tried to look away quickly, but his hand automatically went up to acknowledge the smile. "Oh great!" he thought as the face floated towards him through the sea of people. He panicked at first and then made up his mind for confrontation. "Go to hell! I don't need you. I can handle this all by myself." his thoughts seemed too rude to have been spoken by him. He grimaced a little and braced himself. The face took a sharp right and disappeared into the crowd. He sighed a sigh of relief and looked at the direction in which the face disappeared. He smiled as he saw the face move towards another unfamiliar one.

He noticed the bill lying on the table. He pulled out a 100 and left the change. His drink sparkled in the dim light, as if mocking him. He smiled and started towards the door. The melody blew over like a gentle breeze. Mehdi Hassan seemed to be singing his mind. "Mere pyaar ko tum mita na sakoge..." He looked up at the sky, the moon seemed bigger then when he had entered. "Shama jo jalayee hai meri wafa ne...Mita na bhi chaho, mita na sakoge..." He took out his mobile and started typing with a content look on his face. "We're no strangers to love...You know the rules and so do I..." he hummed as he walked towards his bike.

The Last Call

Naveen looked down. He stood there staring at the hard ground below. He could almost feel it's embrace. He imagined what it would be like to hit the ground at 9.8 m/s² . Would it hurt too much? Would he feel the pain or would he die instantly? Would they be able to identify his body? Would they find the note he left behind?

"They wouldn't find the note" he thought. "Maybe I need to put it in a more obvious place." He removed the suicide note from his pant pocket and put it in his shirt pocket. "But what if I fall on my face and the note gets smeared with my blood?" He removed it from his shirt pocket and looked for a stone. He then placed the note under a big stone right next to the spot where he had decided to jump from. "That is that. They can't miss it now!" He thought. "Phew! Suicide is hard work!" He thought as he went back on the ledge.

He looked down again. If he leapt it would all be over. No more tears, no more pain, no more anything. He imagined the peace that would come after death. Like a deep dreamless slumber. Everything would be over. No more fear, no more loneliness, no more heartbreaks. He took a deep breathe and steadied himself for the jump as a song flashed through his head.

"Main shayar badnaam...."

"On the count of 3." He told himself.

"Ooo main chala..."

"One..."

"Mehfil se naakaam..."

"Two.."

His concentation was disturbed by the buzz of his cellphone in his pocket. He was tempted to ignore it and continue his jump. But a wierd sensation made him feel that somebody needed him. "Maybe I could help someone just before I die. Maybe I can do one good deed. I owe it to the world." He thought as he stepped back from the ledge.

"Hello...Naveen here!" He said his voice shaking with excitement.

"Hello Sir! This is Deeksha from Apna Bank credit card division. I would like to tell you about our new special health-cum-credit card. This card gives you free access to top hospitals in your city and it is free for lifetime........"

I Hate Sonia Kapoor!

A.K.A

Happy valentine's day byaaatch!

A.K.A

The funniest incident of my life!

A.K.A

Girls are just plain stupid!

A.K.A

WTF is wrong with you gals?



Disclaimer : This post is a work of fiction based on a couple of real life experinces of 2-3 totally unrelated people. It is neither meant to offend nor make fun of anyone. I just thought it would be a good creative exercise to write this and capture the myraid enigma that are human emotions. Any resemblence to any person living or dead is strictly the result of masala-fying the episode.


Suresh was a normal guy with a normal life. He liked to listen to rock music, was a total Hollywood buff, he was the 'tough guy' of his gang, always picking up fights with anybody who dared look him in the eye, fighting against 'injustice' meted out from time to time from the college staff, spent most of his time outside the class room and believed that 'We don't need no education' with religious zealotry. All in all he was a normal VTU student who was trying to look cool and get a 70% average so he can get a job in an MNC after his course. He had a huge circle of friends. Had his share of crushes and heartbreaks and gang fights and cricket matches.

And then came Soniya Kapoor into his life. Soniya was a "sweet" girl who was not really well blessed in the good-looks department. But she was a "die-hard romantic". Also, she was very "emotional". She had just had her first "heart-break" and was "nursing her broken heart". She had let behind a teary tale of what she believed was "true love" and a "cheating bastard". She was more than happy to wash her dirty linen in full public view, trying to reduce the popularity of "that guy who broke my heart" in the campus and outside. And most important of all, she could start the tear machine in her eyes at the drop of a hat.

Suresh and Soniya were acquainted through the trip they had been in the first semester. Suresh wouldn't have considered talking to her, but, she had an apricot jam sandwich which looked really yummy and he hadn't had breakfast. So he took the bait and bit the bullet. And that was the beginning of his tale of woes. He heard about Soniya from Trisha, her "best friend" in college. Now, Suresh believed he was a good friend. And good friends don't let good friends cry. So off he went with his broad shoulder and offered it to her, you know, to "cry on" and shit like that. Soniya was very happy she had found a perfect "Shoulder to cry on". She told him all about her "Ex-boyfriend" and the alleged "injustice" that he had done to her. She conveniently left out the other version of her story (A.K.A THE TRUTH) which was, obviously, an evil lie that her ex had cooked up to "malign her image". Suresh, being a "Good Friend" believed every word she said and comforted her by taking her to expensive restaurants, frequent trips to the local coffee house and buying her gifts every other week and basically blew his allowance to "make her forget her pain".

All this was really satisfying to both of them. But Suresh soon got tired of hearing her sobs. I mean, how long could you tolerate a person who would cry every 10 mins and used up all your clean hanky's? So, Suresh decided he had enough of this and thought up of a plan to get rid of her and her "tales of sorrow".

Another major factor was that he befriended her ex and discovered (much to his horror) that the story she had told him was totally a bunch of creative lies. The poor guy actually had suffered her company for more than 8-10 months before he discovered that all she cared about was "competing" with her "best friend" for affections of hapless guys who fell into their trap. She had stalked him, threatened to tell his mom about their "relationship" and tried all sorts of vodoo tricks to kepp the relationship going. The first thing that came out of her mouth when he first said he had had enough was "Oh my god! She is going to have a longer relationship than me! I can't let her win!". The poor dude got the clue and didn't talk to her ever again.

Having known "the truth" Suresh came out with a brilliant plan to get rid of her. "The only way", as he told me later, "to get rid of a girl who thinks 'you are a good friend' is to make her think you're hot for her!". So that's was what he did! He first dropped subtle hints and since, in his own words, "The dumb bitch doesn't understand!", he outright tried to plant a kiss on her. His plan went well and she was out of his life (With wails of "How could you do this to us?" and "I have never thought of you that way" and "I need some time to think"), he was free and he forgot about her. He also sent her a senti email just for precaution with heavily emotional phrases like "I will love you till eternity" "I don't want you to suffer because of me" and the classic "I think it is only wise for me to get out of your life".

Life went on.... Suresh being the geek he was, got a job in a small firm with a small office near his place and with supportive, encouraging co-workers. Most of all, he enjoyed what he did and got a decent salary. His family was happy, he was happy and he hadn't thought about Sonia for quite a while. He had, on some occasions, heard from various friends that she had fallen out with her "best friend" and had lost a few more "shoulders to cry on". She was working for a call centre somewhere and was earning a fairly large salary which was slightly more than what he earned. (Suresh never figured out the reason behind people who were engineers "choosing" a career in customer care. "Why spend four years getting an engineering degree at all?", he used to ask, "If all you wanted to do was answer phone calls from stupid people in the USA, you should have done a B.A. in english or something. You would be doing the same work in 2 years instead of four.")


Suresh had heard from a friend that Sonia had gone on to become quite successful in her career. She had joined a new company with a "very good" posting and had quite a lot of power. Inspite of himself, Suresh was happy for her. All she had done wrong was bored him to death with her stupid sob stories. Other than that he had no problems with her.

Then , the fateful day arrived. Suresh got a call from an old friend in college. The guy was desperate. He wanted a job, any job and wanted it fast. With his resume, the support industry was his only hope. The first person in the support Industry with some high position that Suresh thought about was Sonia. He managed to get hold of her number and sent her a message to make sure it was indeed her number so that he could ask his buddy to send his resume to her so she could help him. So he sent her an SMS with the following text :
"Hi soni! Dis ur no. rite?"

Look at the text again. There was nothing else but that. He waited for about half an hour and decided that she probably wasn't comfortable talking to him and gave up.

An hour later, the phone started ringing. It was Sonia's number.
Suresh's spider sense started tingling. He knew this couldn't be good. A male voice came on the other end.... Here is a rough transcript...... It is by no means the exact conversation that took place but enough to give the jist....

Voice of a guy : "Hello, who is this?"
Suresh : "Hi, this is Suresh. Who is this?"
Voice of a guy : "Suresh Nadigar?"
Suresh : "Yes. How did you know?"
Voice of a guy : "This is Sonia Kapoor's number. You sent a message to this number right?"
Suresh: (Slightly confused) "Umm... Yeah I did. Did I get the wrong number? How do you know Sonia?"
Voice of a guy : "No, you got the right number"
(Silence......)
Voice of a guy : "Wait I'll call you back"
(Click)
(Phone rings after 5 mins. Again, from Sonia's number)

Voice of a guy : " Yeah. This is Sonia Kapoor's number. My name is Chandan Menghani and I'm her boyfriend. I know all about you. It would be good for your health to not try and contact her again. You have made her suffer enough. I have read your mail....... (A detailed account of nonsensical stuff follows, including profanity in hindi, which was irrelavant for this post)

Suresh : (Trying VERY hard to suppress his laughter) "Umm.. Yeah Sure. No probs. Thanks a lot!"

(Click. Suresh is laughing uncontrollably rolling on the floor. His stomach hurt from all the laughing)


Suresh still laughing, called me up and told me the story. Now, both of us were rolling on the floor. "Dude!", Suresh asked after we had calmed down, "Who the f*** does she think she is man!. That dumb bitch! I almost sent her an SMS explaining the situation but then, decided against it. I wanted to confirm her number and indeed it is her number so I don't give a f***".
"Yeah.", I replied, "Man! That's one wierd female! She gave her ex so much trouble and now this poor guy, whatsisname? Yeah, Chandan. He is gonna regret this for the rest of his life!".

Suresh : "Dude! No way in f***ing hell she has a f***in' boyfriend! She's so ugly! That guy must be one of her shoulders!"

Me: "Ha ha! Shoulders! That's a good one. Thanks for the laughs man! Hadn't laughed like this in ages!"

Suresh : "No probs man! I will probably send her the SMS tomorrow and ask her to call my friend and get him a job. Anyways, I gotta go man. See ya buddy!"


Now that I think about it, the idiot must have thought she was making a "Sacrifice" by "helping" Suresh to "stop loving her" by "breaking his heart". But I do admit that I hadn't laughed so hard in my life. I'm only glad none of the girls I know are psycho! Hats off Suresh, you handled that real well man! I can only admire your cool attitude.

So, here's to Suresh!! Keep rocking dude!!!! ;)

PS: If you do not understand this post, don't worry. Consider yourself lucky tht you didn't understand it!